It was a very early Sunday morning when I woke up and had that feeling. It was the same feeling I had the morning I found out was pregnant with Logan. I decided to just take a test. Logan was 9 months old so the thought of having another sounded like a crazy idea but we just said what is meant to be will be. Well, my gut feeling was right and the test was positive. I walked into our bedroom and said to Matt, “so do you think Logan will have a brother or a sister?”
In June is when we found out that we were expecting a boy – Logan would be getting a brother! At first, finding out he was a boy hit me hard. Will I disappoint those who wanted us to have a girl? How could I love another son as much as I love Logan? Will I ever get the chance to raise a daughter? It was a whirlwind of emotions for me. I experienced what some call gender disappointment. However, at the end of the day, I was thrilled we had the opportunity to be welcoming another baby into our lives and I knew I would love him with my whole heart and life.
My pregnancy compared to Logan’s was a tad easier in some ways. They say the closer your pregnancies are, the easier everything is. My morning sickness stuck around longer and my heartburn was much worse, but I felt like my body was better at handling the toll it takes carrying a baby. I experienced a few weeks of pain in the second trimester and at the end when I was close but other than that, it was pretty tolerable compared to my first. However, the summer heat was brutal. Moms who have summer babies – how do you do it!?
When I hit my 37 week appointment I was already 2 cm dilated. Everyone, including myself, thought Finn would surely make his entrance at the end of October so I made the call to stop working at the end of 38 weeks. Two days past my due date my doctor scheduled us for an induction. Inductions are absolutely no fun, however, because of my history with preeclampsia we could not risk going any longer. Finn had 5 whole days to make his entrance before then and despite me walking at least 2 miles each day (doctor approved), he did not come. I called up my best friend Erin to come watch Logan and at 4 am on November 11th we made our way to the hospital. It was a nice, calm ride with Matt as we talked about our excitement to be adding Finn to our family.
When we arrived to the hospital it felt like I was dreaming. It was really hard for me to grasp that sometime later day I would be holding my second baby boy. The nurses got me all hooked up and began the induction. My mom and sister arrived shortly after and we all just waited. Around mid-day I decided to get an epidural to get some comfort and rest. The day was pretty uneventful. It was calm, quiet and there was this sense of peace in the room.
In the early evening around 6:00 pm they told me I could begin pushing. Just like with Logan, my mom helped hold my legs and count, my sister took pictures and Matt encouraged me the entire time. Finally at 6:52 pm on Friday the 11th of November our second beautiful baby boy, Finn Howard, made his entrance into this world. He was healthy and very alert! We were all overcome with emotion. They immediately put him on my chest and I sobbed tears of joy and relief. Once everyone got to hold him we all began taking guesses on his weight. Everyone was guessing around the 7-8 lb range, but Finn weighed in at a whopping 9 lbs, 1 oz and was 20.5 inches long of perfection!
The day was going great – we were all so happy and excited. My labor and delivery was so smooth, Finn came out healthy and we ordered food with one of the nurses. My mom and sister headed home and they began to transition me to the recovery floor. Then all of sudden I started to experience excruciating pains that felt like labor pains but 100 times worse. The nurses were baffled and tried to figure out why I was in so much pain. I was screaming for my life as terrified Matt held our son who was barely 2 hours old. Finally a doctor came in and discovered that I had a hematoma on my vaginal wall. What the heck is a hematoma?! Well, a hematoma is a solid swelling of clotted blood underneath the tissues. Mine was the size of a softball and it needed to be immediately removed so I didn’t bleed to death. *I want to add this important note: what happened to me is extremely rare, so if you’re expecting, do not stress about this happening to you!* The hematoma was probably caused from Finn’s head as he passed through the birth canal. Without a second to think, I was rushed to the OR where they put me under and began the operation to carefully remove the hematoma.
Despite what happened to me after delivery and the torturous recovery that followed, I would do it all over again if it meant having my precious baby boy. Finn is healthy and so, so happy. Logan adores him and gives him hugs and kisses and is always putting his hands out to hold him. My boys are my world and we love watching Logan and Finn develop that brotherly bond with each other. I can’t wait to see them both running around together! (I may regret saying that later haha!)
Finn Howard, you were the final piece to our puzzle. We are so excited to watch you grow up from our little baby to a kind gentleman. You bring that extra ray of sunshine to our worlds. We love you so much!