On August 21, 2014 I found out that I was going to be a Mom. As I was taking the test I never thought in a million years it would be positive. When I saw the plus sign I nearly fainted. Becoming a Mom was something I dreamed about for as long as I can remember. The craziest thing was I didn’t even run into the bedroom to tell Matt, I just hopped in the shower as my heart was literally beating out of my chest. I was scared to tell him because I was paranoid that it was a false positive or worse, I would suffer from a miscarriage. My mother struggled with infertility racking up a total of 11 devastating miscarriages and at the time I had an undiagnosed thyroid condition, which I learned after could have very easily resulted in a miscarriage. I finally told Matt later that night with a note that was from Zelda (our family dog) that read, “I’m going to be a big sister!” He didn’t believe me at first, we laugh about that now. 🙂
A week later I went to the doctors and it was confirmed I was 6 weeks pregnant. O-M-G. The first time we saw our little peanut on the screen I cried (and each ultrasound after that was no different). My dream of becoming a Mom was actually coming true! I would like to say my pregnancy was easy, but it was actually pretty rough. I had morning sickness all day, everyday up until 14 weeks, horrible round ligament pain in the 2nd trimester, excruciating sciatica for the whole 2nd half and I had a cold for the last 4 months. However, I am fully aware of all the families struggling with infertility, like my mom did, so I just kept chugging along and was so thankful for the precious bundle of joy that was about to enter our lives.
At my 39 week appointment I had some elevated blood pressure, in that moment I was like oh, it’s no big deal they will just have me watch it until my 40 week appointment which is in just a few days. The doctor came in said, we’re sending you over to the hospital for more testing. OH. Can I go home and get some stuff? Nope. I had to go right to Labor and Delivery for further testing as a precaution. We made our way over and I kept saying to Matt, it’s fine, it’s fine, we will be going home tonight. Well, I was wrong. My tests came back and I ended up being diagnosed with preeclampsia. As soon as the shift change was finished, they would begin inducing me.
Shortly after the doctor came in and did this procedure where they insert this balloon into the cervix to help further dilate me and I immediately began having contractions. The contractions felt more like really bad cramps. I remember asking the nurse if I could have a granola bar and she said if I did, they’d have to postpone the induction 6 hours at least. Hahaha, no thank you! We wanted to meet our baby boy! Matt went home to grab some more stuff since I was told this induction would take at least 2-3 days before I could start pushing. During his absence, someone had come in to tell me what to expect, what they would do, how it might feel, the risks involved etc. and I instantly became overwhelmed and started to hyperventilate. My 2 nurses were able to calm me down, gave me some pain meds and I drifted in and out of sleep over the next few hours while I waited for my mom and sister to arrive. They arrived around 10:30 pm and boy was I happy to see them! This was my mom’s first grandchild so it meant the world to have her by my side!
Once I was 5cm dilated I was able to request the epidural. This was a very traumatic experience for me. I was in a ton of pain, thanks to pitocin, and since the hospital I was at was a teaching hospital I had a resident attempting the procedure. It was awful, they just couldn’t get it in. They poked at me several times until my mom had to tell them to stop to give me a break. I was crying, had horrible heartburn from leaning over, and the contractions were very intense. They came back later and after a couple more failed attempts they got it in. Immediately after I became sick and dizzy and began to vomit, it was rough but once I settled down I had some relief! We were all able to get a few hours of sleep. I woke up around 5 am because I was getting anxious and then about an hour or so later I was starting to get uncomfortable again, my legs that once felt like jelly after the epidural, felt like bricks. I told my mom and nurse that I was in a lot of pain and we requested the anesthesiologist to return to top off my epidural. As the minutes passed the contractions were getting closer and more intense. Where was the anesthesiologist?! We requested him again and he did not show up. My mom asked the nurse to get the doctor because I kept telling her I felt ready to push, but neither the doctor nor anesthesiologist made it to my room. I was sweating buckets and my mom and Matt kept putting cold washcloths on my face and neck to cool me down. At one point I remember feeling claustrophobic and wanted to ask to go outside, but in my head I knew I couldn’t and tried hard to calm myself down to prevent hyperventilating again.
When the doctor & anesthesiologist finally showed up, it was too late. I was ready to push and could not receive more medication. I had just spent about the last 5ish hours of labor without any pain meds in my system. I am not sure I can describe how it feels to have zero pain relief when you are in the toughest chunk of labor. It was HORRIBLE. I was literally begging for my life. Matt & my mom were on the brink of tears because they felt so helpless. Luckily Matt, my mom, and nurse coached me through it. I tried all different types of positions to help relieve the pain. I am sure several F bombs were said and may have at one point screamed for them to cut the baby out of me! It sounds whimpy, but remember being induced increases the intensity of the pain.
So it was 11:45 am when I began pushing. Even though I was told I’d be in labor for 2-3 days, it was only about 17 hours. The pushing part was the easiest for me. It definitely hurt but I think adrenaline had kicked in and I was determined to meet our baby boy! My mom helped hold my legs and count, my sister took pictures and Matt kept encouraging me the entire time as we he watched with each push. I pushed for 42 minutes and at 12:30 pm on Saturday the 25th of April our beautiful baby boy, Logan Scott, made his entrance into this world. I was so overcome with joy and emotion that I began sobbing. The best part was looking over at Matt and seeing him cry. Just the look on his face made it all worth it! I remember him saying he is ours, he is finally here, you did great which made me cry even more. Unfortunately, he couldn’t cut the cord because the NICU had to be called due to meconium aspiration. Once that was cleared up they were able to place Logan in my arms, I was just sobbing. We all were – me, Matt, my mom, my sister – we were all overcome with joy.
Logan’s birthday is a day we will never forget. It is crazy to think that the day I experienced the most pain in my life was also the greatest day of my life. The minute I held him it made all of the pain I went through during pregnancy, labor and delivery worth it. My heart was and still is bursting with love and happiness. He has made our life that much more complete. We love you so much Logan!